Winter is a bitch. A fat, snow swirling, bone chilling, motivation sucking bully that clearly has not taken notice of my little white flag that I’ve been waving frantically since November. Branches heavy with layers of pristine glittering snow do nothing for me, the stark antithesis of my ideal climate. Needless to say I am the first to admit that the past few weeks, I’ve struggled with keeping my motivation where it needs to be to hit my goal for Glass City. Sub 1:45.
In all honesty it is kind of scary putting it out there like that. OK so let’s get real here. Is a sub 1:45 feasible for me? Absolutely, no doubt in my mind. Is it feasible for me, this training cycle?? Crickets.
Aside from a few strong progression runs, I have hardly dabbled in speed this cycle. I could go round with excuses (see said bitch winter or starting Whole30 mid cycle), but at the end of the day I’ve recognized this lingering fear that I can’t seem to push thru. A fear of pushing myself, a fear of embracing the uncomfortable, a fear of injury, a fear of burning out. Damn, when did I turn into such a wuss?
My 6 year old daughter has a ridiculous fear of being alone. She needs to know exactly where everyone is at home at all times. An even slight uncertainty of the location of mommy and daddy will bring on immediate and utter panic. Yesterday, something changed. She refused to allow her fear to stand in the way of what she wanted. She told me proudly, boldly…”Mommy, I’m going to be brave.” Off she went into the shadowy depths of the ominous basement to retrieve her beloved monkey stuffed animal. This new found courage has trickled over into so many other areas in her little kindergarten sized life that we’ve failed to tackle in the past.
It was this small insignifcant moment that just rocked me. I needed a little nudge, a tap on the shoulder kind of reminder that fear is no more powerful than the power you give it. It’s a silly comparison, I know….but no less silly than the bulk of our fears which more often than not are completely unfounded. I have absolutely no reason to think I am incapable of achieving (a realistic) x, y or z. I am extremely competitive and have continued to surprise myself with what I have been able to accomplish on training that isn’t always the strictest or most structured. I’m very comfortable and aware of the fact that eventually, I’m going to hit a plateau. Until then, I’m going to ride this thing. I’m going after that little stuffed monkey. I refuse to let my fear shape my future. I will be bold, I will be brave. I will take chances. Write that down.